We all are very guilty of trying to force things that just aren't working. Do you want to be a quitter? Heck, no! Things take time and perseverance you say to yourself. However, one day you might be driving your car, standing in your shower, or wake up from a nap and just know: this is not working, at all.
Three years ago, I pursued a passion of mine (I kind of feel like a douche using this phrase, I don't know why). In an area crazy-saturated with "photographers," I decided to make a go of it. Yes, I mostly looked at this as a side business, but in the back of my mind, I had hoped it might lead to more.
Along the way I feel like I did improve, grew my editing skills by leaps & bounds, and unexpectedly, learned to connect with people I didn't know that well. However, after about a year of going through boughts of feeling disappointed with my work and depleted of any originality, I really sat down and reevaluated how I felt about being a portrait/wedding photog.
And ya know what, I don't love it anymore. I say that coming off two a-mazing photography experiences this past weekend (a wedding and toddler shoot). It was never all bad, and I never expected it to be all good. I just don't think this is for me anymore. I have two more scheduled shoots that I will give my upmost to, but after that, I will not be booking paying gigs for the foreseeable future.
I truly want to convey how much fun I had along the way, but facts are facts. I don't book many returning clients (which, for some, I can understand why. I produced some crap work last fall) and I feel as if it's not "meant to be." And honestly, the panic attacks I would have before certain shoots were not good. Feeling super defeated when certain clients chose to go another way after I thought I produced stellar work isn't good for my psyche, either.
Possibly all of this steams from my search to "figure things out," but the older I get, the more I don't feel like a failure when I say no to things or when a circumstance doesn't work out. Also, I am having to learn it's totally OK that people don't choose to work with me at all or for a second time. That's their prerogative and I'm not mad. I'm never mad, really. Sometime I did feel like I sucked though (just writing honestly)
What does this mean for this space, you might be wondering? Oh, there will still be pictures! Look, there's one below of a cute little lady named Aly.
I've been stirring around a few ideas in my busy mind. There are many projects that I would like to take on, and they are just for me. Those will be shared here, and I'm excited about it. Volunteers will certainly be needed to make these happen, so I will be bugging a lot of you soon. Count on it. ;)
I'm feeling very secure and happy with this decision, but I would love to read about any instances where you felt good about letting something go that wasn't working, even if people perceived you as a "quitter." Other than this decision, things in my world have been pretty much the same. October should prove to fun though, so I'm looking forward to enjoying this month.
Happy Tuesday, everyone.